i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
