I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
