He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
