Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
