he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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