But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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