Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
