so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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