yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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