hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
