You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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