Your dad touched me again.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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