I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
