In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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