So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
being pregnant is like rehab
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
