I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
