they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
