Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
