Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
