I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Randomize
