Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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