im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
