Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
