He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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