her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize