id be glad to
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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