READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
