I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm gonna fight the coyote
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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