Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
