i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
