I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
