What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
