Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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