We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
