'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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