PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
