They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
