the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
