The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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