he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
