I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
