bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
