I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When are your genitals available?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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