i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
