So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
