hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
