Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
