He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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