His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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