the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
