well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize