DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
