Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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