I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
