I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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