grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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