I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
