I can tuck mytits in my pants
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
