I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
