all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
