The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
