he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
