Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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