Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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