you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
